One Way Relationships

I've been giving some thought lately to what I refer to as "one way" relationships. Everybody has them. Sometimes it's friendships, sometimes it's in employment relationships, sometimes it's family, hopefully it's not in your marriage. Regardless of what part of your life they are in, the defining characteristic is the same: one person in the relationship is putting in way more than they are getting back from the other person.

As Christians, we are supposed to be serving others, giving of ourselves, not doing things for what we get in return, etc., and I get that, but that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking mostly about our "voluntary" relationships— friendships, employment, etc. At what point do you shut it down when you realize that no matter how much you put in, the other party will continue to take while giving little or nothing back. I'll use marriage as an example: If the wife is always doing things for the husband, and he not only doesn't reciprocate, but he also never (or rarely) expresses heartfelt gratitude, how healthy is that relationship? Now, suppose that it is not a marriage (which should be a lifetime commitment) but a friendship or employment situation. At what point- if any - do you say, "You know what? this isn't worth it. At this point, I'm still giving only because the other party is so willing to take." When is enough "enough"?

A friend of mine introduced me a while back to the concept of "unequal sharing". Basically, he was being more open and transparent than I was. He mentioned that in a previous situation where that had been the case, he stopped being as transparent, because for a sustained period of time he was putting way more of himself out there, and there wasn't any real reciprocity. It would have been easy to say to him, "Hey, you decided to put yourself out there. Nobody forced you". It would have been easy, and it would have been wrong. I'm glad he said something to me and I hope I've grown because of it. Generally, we know what is expected of us in relationships. Even if the other person lets me get away with it (not holding up my end), I'm still responsible for my actions.

So, where are your dividing lines? When do you stop allowing yourself to be used up? How do you stop yourself from being the one that is using up others? I've been on both sides of this issue, and I'm interested in your thoughts.

Oh, and by the way, my marriage is fine. It was only an example. :-)